


Late Night Truth or Dare

by Unknownnobody32



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unknownnobody32/pseuds/Unknownnobody32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I was bored. Wondered if you're up to playing a little game for entertainment." Raising her gun she had teased, "Russian roulette?" Clint chuckled. "Not that entertaining. How 'bout a game of Truth or Dare over vodka instead?" He had said, bringing the bottle from behind his back. She then had smiled, opening the door wider so he could enter. "You know me so well."<br/>________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</p><p>How this one innocent night of  Truth or Dare   between the Assassin and the Archer  eventually lead to a host of pranks among the entire team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Double Threat

One night at the Avenger's Tower, Natasha had been in her own suite cleaning her weapons when she was alerted by JARVIS that someone was at her door.

"Hey Nat, whatcha up to?" He had asked, standing with his hands behind his back.

"Just cleaning my favorite gun. Why?"

"I was bored. Wondered if you're up to playing a little game for entertainment."

Raising her gun she had teased, "Russian roulette?"

Clint chuckled. "Not that entertaining. How 'bout a game of Truth or Dare over vodka instead?" He had said, bringing the bottle from behind his back.

She then had smiled, opening the door wider so he could enter. "You know me so well."

And that's how Natasha and Clint ended up playing a one-on-one game of Truth or Dare until it was so late it was technically morning.

* * *

 

As of now, Natasha was splayed lazily across her couch when Clint reentered the room. He threw a large sized manila envelope at her feet and sat down next to her.

"Dare's complete. Lucky for me he turned in early."

With a raised brow, Natasha grabbed the envelope and emptied its contents. Long blonde locks of hair spilled out on the coffee table. She immediately starts laughing.

"Haha, nice going Barton."

"Yea I know, I'm awesome. I probably won't feel like it tomorrow though when Thor wakes up and realizes he's had an overnight haircut."

Natasha grabs the Vodka bottle and offers it to him. "Well, you deserve a drink for your brave feats."

He smiles and accepts the bottle. After taking a swig he says, "Thanks. Now it's your turn. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Okay, um… Oh I got it. Which member of the Avengers would you say is the most attractive?" He looks at her expectedly.

"What!? Why even ask that?"

"Cuz I always wanted to know your type. So c'mon, spill. And be honest."

"Fine." Natasha's grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest.

She's quiet for a minute then says, "It's not really fair to pick just one. I mean everyone is attractive in their own way."

"Yea sure opt out on the easy road." Clint smirks.

"No no I'm serious. Bruce is attractive in that distinguished yet reserved way. Then there's Tony. Excusing how much of an egotistical smartass he can be most times, he's still handsome, dashing, and charming and if all else fails at least he's got brains. But just because I find my teammates attractive, it doesn't mean they're my type."

"Hmm, if you say so." Clint answered sounding generally unconvinced.

Natasha grabs the bottle back from him and takes a nip before continuing. "Just take Captain Rogers, for instance. There's no denying he's strikingly handsome and around him it's easy to feel like chivalry isn't dead after all, but as for my type? Ha! I'd either corrupt him or eat him alive."

Clint snorts, "Guess they don't call you Black Widow for nothing, eh?"

Natasha jabs him in the side with her elbow, but there's laughter in her eyes. "And then there's Thor who is probably on the same level with Steve in the looks department."

She notes Clint rolling his eyes. "Hope you feel the same way about him with a buzz cut."

This time, Natasha picks up a nearby decorative pillow and thrashes him with it. "Hey! You said be honest. And I may not be interested in him per say, but I'm not blind. The man seriously does look like a god in all his stunning glory. Though, like I said, just because I find him and the others attractive, it doesn't mean they're my type. You know that better than anyone. For starters, I've seen you look at Agent Hill."

"Who Maria? Heh, yea she's pretty hot."

"Right, and would you date her."

"No! And don't tell her I said that."

"Which part?"

"Both."

Natasha snickers and Clint uses the distraction to commandeer the Vodka. "Remember when Jane came here to visit Thor. I heard you tell Tony that you thought she was — and these are your words—'abso-freakin beautiful.'"

Clint looks up at her in surprise.

"Oh don't worry, I won't tell Thor you said that."

"Good, because I don't need another reason for him to go whack-a-mole on my head. And you're right, she really is lovely."

"But would you consider her your type?"

"Course not. She's about science and theories; and while I admire her abilities, that's not really my thing."

"Exactly! So that proves what I was trying to say all along."

"Okay, you made your point. I get it. Buuuttt, you still haven't told me who _your_ type is?"

Suddenly, a wicked gleam comes into Natasha's eyes. She smiles mischievously and slides over closer to Clint so that she's speaking right into his ear, "Looks like you win in the double threat department. I find you attractive _and_ I consider you my type."

Clint grins at her, relishing in her nearness. "Aw Nat, just what I wanted to hear."

Natasha narrows her eyes and replies, "Glad to satisfy you," in a voice just as sultry, before snatching the bottle of Vodka from his grasp and downing the last of it. "And now I'm satisfied."

Clint risks putting his arm around her and mutters, "I'll just pretend you didn't only say that to steal my alcohol."

Natasha just smiles at him smugly


	2. Thor's Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor didn't take too kindly to getting his hair chopped off by Clint in the middle of the night. With the urging of a certain billionaire, he finds a creative way to retaliate , much to the archer's chagrin.

Clint had been on the armory floor training and about to shoot targets with his arrows. Tony and Natasha, on the same level, had suddenly heard him deliver an outraged cry, and came running into the target area.

"What's the matter!" Tony asked eyes wide. Natasha brought up his rear cautiously, a pistol already drawn, pointing, and ready to eliminate any threats.

Clint stood bow in hand, looking terrified. "What is this crap!? Just listen to this!" He demonstrates shooting an arrow, only for the action to be accompanied by harp music and the sound of birds chirping. "Hear that? What am I, a friggen cartoon now?"

Natasha drops her gun to her side with an amused snort and Tony cracks up with a slap to his knees.

"Can't believe the bastard actually went through with it."

"Went through with _what_? Stark, you know who's behind this?"

"You might want to talk to Goldie Loc... Oops, I can't even call him that any more. Anyways, just have a chat with Hammer Time about it."

"Get him in here." Clint demanded through gritted teeth.

"Right, well I should probably get to that business meeting with Pepper. I think an hour is considered fashionably late enough, don't you? But I'll get JARVIS right on that. "

Tony glances at Clint's arrows once more and chuckles to himself before exiting.

Natasha grins and then opens her mouth to say something, but Clint cuts her off, "Nat, don't."

Smirking, she quips, "Alright. See you later then, Cupid," as Clint grumbles in her wake.

When Thor eventually enters the room after several minutes, he is donned in sleeveless armor without the cape. Sporting his freshly inflicted military haircut, he looked almost ordinary: a man simply role playing in medieval wear.

"Barton, you wished to see me, my friend?"

"Our friendship is currently debatable. What the hell, man?" Clint aims and shoots at another target before him, only for it to be followed by the same harp music and chirping birds.

Thor tries to stifle a laugh, but his grin still looks a little too smug for Clint.

"Ah yes. With the help of an Asgardian acquaintance, I have had an enchantment placed upon your arrows."

Clint stares at him. "Oh geeze Thor, thanks for telling me ... WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR, YOU MORON!"

Thor, the only one in good humor apparently, emits his trademark rumble of laughter.

At last he explains. "Anthony Stark had enlightened me to the rules of your Midgardian game of truth or dare. He thought it satisfactory if I attempt a dare myself, so he generously gave me suggestions. It seemed only fair to outwit the challenge you so willfully proposed... once you sheared my locks."

It might have been the light, but when Thor met Clint's gaze, his eyes seemed to turn a menacing shade of storm cloud gray. Thunder was suddenly heard in the near distance.

Clint immediately took a step back from him. "Whoa whoa whoa big guy! That was only done as a joke during my game with Nat."

"Indeed, as this is done in jest as well in my wager with Anthony."

Clint scowls, "Fine. Yippy freaken doo! Congrats, you successfully accomplished a dare, now take the damned spell off. I don't need a pansy-ass soundtrack every time I nock an arrow."

"Of course I shall." Thor begins, his smile widening, "... _After_ my tresses return in length. "

Clint stands there mouth agape watching Thor stride out the room. "If that will be all, good day my friend."

"Thor!" Clint finally calls out, face aflame, "Your hair better grow back freaken fast, buddy."


	3. The Second Dare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint's bummed out about the enchantment Thor placed on his arrows, especially since the god seemed serious about only removing it once his hair grew back. Natasha provides Clint an alternate manner of dealing with these frustrations, and it involves more pranking.

"That is NOT the proper way to do a sleeper hold!" Natasha had been alone yelling at the television. When Clint ambles into the lounge section of the Rec Room with a bow slung over his shoulder and a pinched expression, she looks up from her movie.

"Hey Barton. Why the sour face?"

"Hi Nat." He grumbles, before taking a seat across from her. "I was just in the armory practicing my aim for our routine performance eval. next week."

"Oh? And?"

"And… while Thor regrows the hippie mane I'm still stuck hearing those annoying sounds every time I shoot one of these ." Clint gestures to his arrows, now off his back and by his side.

Natasha chuckles to herself as he continues. "I swear, I feel like I'm in a Disney film or something. I keep waiting for Snow White's singing to start harmonizing with the harp ballad."

"Actually… I think Tony had Thor going more for the Cupid vibe." Natasha says with all seriousness.

Clint gives her a look. "Not the point, Nat." Unable to keep her straight face, Natasha breaks out into laughter .

Noting his irritated glare, she rises to move next to him and then pats him on the leg. "Aww c'mon. Don't give me that look. You got to admit it's pretty damn funny."

"Yea, I'm sure Fury and Hill will find it freaking hilarious during our eval."

Natasha snorts at the idea but quickly recovers, " Anyways , if you're so sick of it, why not just ask Thor nicely to remove the spell?"

"You don't think I haven't already tried that half a dozen times? I've tried asking him in a very pissed angry way, then being all pitiful and depressed sounding, hell, I even tried begging."

"Wow. You've begged?"

"Desperate times, babe. And no matter how I ask he keeps telling me I'll have my way only after his 'locks' grow back."

"Well, you won't have too much more to wait. His hair is already shying on medium length. I mean, he's got enough for that side bang thing he's been trying to do."

"Meh…" Clint grunts in reply unenthusiastically.

After glancing toward the room's entrance, Natasha nudges Clint on the shoulder. "Looks like you'll get another round at that suck-up approach. Here comes Thor now."

"Good evening, friends." Thor says in polite greeting.

"Thor." Natasha nods in reply.

"Heeeyyy big guy!" Clint jumps up from his seat and starts fluffing up the pillows on the couch opposite him where Nat previously had sat. "Take a load off, buddy! You deserve it for being the most valuable member of our team!"

Thor sends a questioning glance Natasha's way, but after receiving no cues from her expression, he takes the seat offered by Clint. "Thank you, Barton. Your hospitality is much appreciated."

"Awesome. Here, have some popcorn." Clint grabs the bowl on the coffee table and shoves it into Thor's lap.

"Hey! I wasn't finished with that!" Natasha exclaims.

"You. Can. Get. More." Clint mumbles toward her under his breath, then to Thor, "Want me to have Nat get us a couple of cold beers?"

"Excuse me?!" She remarks after being volunteered as their serving wench.

Thor laughs in his hearty manner and places the bowl of popcorn back on the table. "While I am enjoying the attention, you should know, flattery will not change your circumstance."

Clint gives the Thunderer a blank look.

Thor nods to the bow and arrows on the couch across from him and near Natasha, "I believe the condition was that the enchantment would be removed after my hair returned in length… its original length."

Clint sighs resigned. "For a god you aren't very merciful. Now you see what I'm working with, Nat? He still won't do it! "

Standing, Natasha replies. "Yes, I see that. Look, before I get out of here – and I'm hoping to escape before you volunteer me to make you and Thor sandwiches later- I'll propose this: if you can't change your situation, get revenge."

Thor gives her a smug and challenging stare as if to say, "Trifle with me again? Look where that road got him the first time."

Catching his reaction she clarifies, "Not on you, Thor. You've proven more than enough that you're not one to cross. I meant on Stark."

"Stark?" Clint questions.

"Yea. Tony is the one who jumped at the chance to tell Thor here how truth or dare works. And he was probably standing 100 percent behind the cupid gag."

"That is correct." Thor supplies. "Anthony was most eager about me executing a dare of my own, for vengeance sake."

"I bet he was. And Clint? Ever wonder why he exited so quickly when he realized you had discovered the prank? It's because he was a part of it and knew he'd eventually get some of the blame. So now, just to make this a little more fun, I dare you to prank Tony back. Do something that'll have him fuming and frustrated. And of course that will be hilarious for everyone else."

"Now THAT is a great idea! Finally someone to aim my frustrations on. I hereby accept your dare to target Tony. And trust me, I'll make it interesting."

Natasha smiles approvingly once Clint states his agreement.

" And I like how you think, Nat. You always have such great dare ideas."

"I know." She shrugs.

Feeling devilish, Clint has to add, "Yea… like remember how the original dare was for me to somehow dye Thor's hair pink and purple? But then you changed it because you figured it would be a bit difficult to do while he slept."

Said Thunder god did not appear at all pleased at being the brunt of such a foolish scheme. "You would have him disgrace my appearance so?!"

Narrowing her eyes at Clint and deliberately ignoring Thor's admonishment, Natasha finally makes her exit. "See you later, boys. And good luck, Barton." Here Clint smiles, thinking she meant for the dare. " You're gonna need it after selling me out like that." She tacks on, with a wicked quirk of her lips.

Clint snickers and sits down next to a now frowning Thor. "God, I love it when she threatens me."


	4. Who's The Spangly One Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plagued with the task of coming up with a prank, Clint recruits Steve in his efforts to target the billionaire. Reluctant at first, Steve ends up helping in devising a creative way to annoy Tony in front of the team.

Steve walks into the study and notices Clint hovered at one of the computer stations.

"Clint? What are you doing here? I don't think I've ever seen you on this floor of the tower."

"Oh hey Cap. My laptop's busted so I thought I'd use the internet on these computers to do some research. You down here for the computers too?" He asks.

"Gosh no." Steve raises his hands in protest, "No I'm passing through toward the library section. Pepper told me she had it stocked with some new titles on modern art expression since she knew I was curious about it. Thought I'd check out how much art's changed over the years."

"Ah."

"Yea. So um… if you don't mind me asking, what are you researching anyway?" Attempting to satisfy this new curiosity, Steve straddles an office chair and rolls beside Clint.

"Prank ideas that I could do to Tony."

"Oh… that." Steve chuckles.

"Yea that. Since Nat gave me that dare, I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how to mess with Stark. She won't give me any ideas since she's leaving execution to me and Thor didn't find it fair to double cross Tony after they both collaborated over making me look like 'stupid cupid.' At least the big guy agreed to not ruin things by mentioning it to Tony."

"Ha, well how is it coming? The prank research I mean."

"Ehh so –so. I am open to fresh ideas though." Clint turns to give Steve an expecting look.

"What from me?! Oh no leave me out of this. I don't like the whole dare game thing anyway and I'm sure I'd be horrible at pranks."

"But it could be oh so much fun. And it's creative. You like art right? Well this is like a different type of creative expression, only funnier."

"Yea…..well maybe but… I don't think that…" Steve stammers before Clint cuts him off.

"Just think about getting under Stark's skin for once when all he does is get under yours."

"Okay, I admit, that does sound like a particularly convincing perk."

Clint laughs and pats him on the back, "Trust me, the look on Tony's face if we do something to him will be rewarding enough to convince anyone. So what do you say, help me out a little, Cap?"

Steve looks conflicted for a few seconds before he starts grinning, "Let's fix the smug bastard real good."

"Haha that's my boy. Okay, so ideas?"

"Well… to mess with Tony you would probably have to tamper with something he's really personally invested in. "

"So there's his lab and tech inventions and crap. Ohh! His disembodied robot slash butler JARVIS is another big part of his life we could screw with somehow."

"I heard that and would not advise it." JARVIS suddenly comments, gaining an astonished gasp from Clint and a perplexed glance upward from Steve.

"Disembodied butler aside, those are all great examples, " Steve continues, "but I was thinking more on the lines of something less complicated: the suits."

"Okay, I like where this is going. Talk to me."

"So thinking of how Tony always mockingly refers to me as 'Spangly' because of the Captain uniform, we should give him a taste of his own medicine. Ironically enough, this idea actually is gonna involve art."

Clint sinisterly rubs his palms together. "Are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"  
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A few days later everyone was is in the armory's common room, waiting for Tony to return suited up. Thor was in his full bodied armor, cape and all. Steve had on his Captain America uniform, his shield strapped to his back. Clint and Natasha were dressed in their black attire, both with an assortment of weapons and most importantly for Hawkeye, his bow. Bruce even had paired a black button down shirt with the stretchy pants Tony had constructed for him for when he had to change into the Hulk. They were soon to board a jet and leave for a special facility. There they would attend what Tony called PE , also known as Performance Eval. It was a place where they each would partake in exercises overseen by Fury that would gauge the team's strength, agility, speed, and weaponry or combat skills- individually and as a whole.

"Are you gonna tell me why you and Steve keep giving each other knowing glances?" Natasha had been asking Clint.

Both he and Steve smirked but offered no explanation.

"Is this about the prank? Did you decide what to do to him?"

"Oh don't worry, Nat. You'll find out soon enough."

"Yes, just wait for it." Steve adds.

Not five second later, the group hears Tony shouting in the distance.

Silence falls except for the sound of Tony's footsteps getting closer and closer to them. Finally he rounds the corner and walks in wearing a completely pink and purple bedazzled Iron Man suit. "Please tell me this is someone's way of suggesting we detour for Mardi Gras . Quick, before I hyperventilate."

"You look completely ridiculous!" Bruce exclaims. The cool collected Doctor Banner then proceeds to keel over and cackle uncontrollably.

Tony just stands there red faced and seemingly on the verge of a nervous breakdown while everyone else practically collapses into uproarious laughter.

"Just tell me this is a dream. " Tony meekly begs his audience.

Natasha holds her stomach and tries to speak around her own laughter. "Oh god! You out did yourself, the both of you. This is too good!"

Clint grins at Natasha's praise. "I thought you might also appreciate the colors we chose."

"I must say, that color scheme looks a lot more appealing on Anthony than it would have me." Thor jests.

Hearing this, Natasha laughs even harder, "Oh boy, do I agree."

"How about NOT mocking the man with easy access hand lasers!" Tony aims his right handed repulsor toward the wall behind Natasha, only for it to spit out glitter.

"How can we stop when you threaten us by throwing fairy dust?!" Clint points, howling at Tony's "display" of anger.

Tony starts pacing the floor. "This is no laughing matter! Something's wrong. How could this happen? I only told JARVIS to deploy my fast dispatching suit, the one with the arm bands. Yea so he does and I come out looking like a disco ball!"

"Who's the 'spangly' one now, Stark?" Steve quips, chuckling.

Tony stops in his tracks, spinning around to face Steve. "You're one of the chuckle heads who did this!? You screwed with my suits!"

"Suits? As in plural? You mean there's more?" Bruce asks, finally calm enough to speak without cracking up.

"I checked and…. all my precious babies…they're in their display, glittered in pink and freaking purple. Oh did I mention how I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TOUCH MY STUFF!?" Tony yells.

Clint grimaces a bit at Tony's shouting, but answers smugly, "Well since you were so fond of sharing the joys of Truth and Dare, I thought I'd bring Steve here up to speed as well. By the way, he's a pro in my book now. I never would have thought of the bedazzling."

Steve high fives Clint with a satisfied smile.

"You and Cupid better watch your backs. You're gonna pay for this." Tony says between gritted teeth. He glowers at the entire party before marching off toward the elevators in sullen silence.

"Is he really going to our Performance Eval like that?" Bruce wonders out loud.

Steve shrugs, but Clint answers. "Does he have a choice?"

To no one in particular, Natasha asks the underlying question. "Wonder what Fury's gonna think?"


	5. Tony Itches For Vengeance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stark is furious with Clint and Steve in the aftermath of their prank and is not about to let things go unanswered. After scraping his various master plans, he finally uses a suggestion from a certain mild mannered doctor for finding the perfect way to retaliate.

Tony held his stylus between his fingers, smacking it back and forth on the desk nonstop, much to Bruce's annoyance. Dr. Banner looks up from his lab station and glances at Tony.

"Tony, could you stop that noise? It's distracting."

"Oh sorry. I was just thinking."

"Obviously not about the equations in front of you. What is it?"

"I won't rest until I get Big Bird back for what he did, and that spandex wearing poster boy too. You know, Cap pretends to be a good little boy scout, but he's really evil under all that nauseating charm and integrity. I just knew it."

Bruce rolls his eyes and sighs. "Tony, don't be melodramatic and lighten up will you? It was just a prank. Just like when Natasha had Clint shave Thor's hair, which you loved by the way. Just like how you willingly suggested Thor get Clint back with that Cupid Spell. You got the jewels off your suit and everything is back to normal. So let it go?"

"No can do. Have I told you how I hate when people touch my stuff?"

"Repeatedly."

"Well there's nothing worse than those two idiots touching my suits! So every single day I've been trying to devise the most ingenious plan ever to get the both of them back. I've got ideas but I need to have Jarvis dictate a list of supplies… "

" 'Every single day?' 'List of supplies?' Tony it's been a week already. They both have probably forgotten by now. Why not just settle for something simple so you can get it over with?"

"Simple? I've never done simple before. Why, what do ya got for me?"

"Itching powder."

"Itching powder?"

"Yes, itching powder. You can make it yourself here in the lab if it's not complicated enough for you just to purchase it."

Stark scoffs. "No offense, Bruce, but isn't itching powder a little old school?"

"Well, Captain Rogers is old school. I'm sure he'll appreciate the sentiment."

Tony meets Bruce's sly gaze and finally cracks into a mischievous smile of his own. "JARVIS, when is part two of our Eval. scheduled again?"

"This Friday at noon, sir."

"Perfect."

* * *

It's almost a repeat of the former week in the armory common room. Half the group was already present in full gear, even Tony minus the sparkly jewels. This time around, Natasha and Clint walk in wearing civilian clothes.

"Sorry we're late. " Clint apologizes.

Tony looks surprised to see Barton. "What is he doing here? He's supposed to be changing back there!"

"Well I would have been!"

"Stark, one of your elevators got stuck. JARVIS had to reboot the system before we got moving again. End of story." Natasha explains.

Before anyone could say anything else, Steve entered wearing his suit, but he couldn't stand still for one moment because he was scratching furiously.

"Guys, I… I think I'm allergic to something. I can't stop scratching. "

"Cap! You're red all over, what happened?" Natasha walks over to examine Steve.

"I don't know. I grabbed my suit from the display and put it on and now… uhh it itches so bad. I don't think I can stand it. I gotta get it off!"

"Is this a form of your Midgardian illnesses perhaps?" Thor asks in obvious worry.

"I doubt Steve can get sick anymore. It does look like some sort of hives though. Dr. Banner what do you think. Uh, Bruce?" Clint turns to find Bruce whose shoulders are trembling in quiet laughter. Tony of course is by his side looking mighty cocky.

"Well well, Captain Itchy Pants. I hope you learned your lesson about touching other people's suits."

"What the hell did you do to me, Stark!?" Steve asks in a panicked voice.

"I made my own concoction of itching powder and thoroughly powdered the inside of your spangly suit. Note, I even did your gloves which is probably why your hands are on fire right now. Oh and Hawkfeathers, you're lucky you were late because I had some of the stuff waiting in your uniform as well."

"What!?" Clint looks horrified.

Bruce eyes Steve warily and finally decides to put an end to things before he could start making himself bleed.

"I think you maybe put too much in, Tony. What was the approximate strength on that stuff you created?"

"Don't know, never tested it." Tony shrugs.

Clint's eyes widened, "Seriously? And you were gonna do this to me too!?"

"Okay, doesn't matter. Steve let's get you out of this suit and into a shower and I'll get you some soothing ointment to stop the reaction." Dr. Banner leads a still frantically scratching Captain Rogers out of the room.

"Well, that was satisfying." Tony says, finally losing the maniacal gleam from his eye.

"You're freaking crazy, Stark! If you permanently blister Captain America , Fury will never let you hear the end of this!" Clint snaps.

"Just like he wouldn't shut up about the atrocity you two had done to my suit! Iron Man could not be taken seriously in pink and purple!"

"At least you didn't have birds chirping and harps playing every time you fired your suit during target practice."

"No, I had glittering fairy dust!"

"Guess we'll be late for eval." Is the only thing Natasha announces during their shouting match as she glances at her watch.


	6. Tagging the Hawk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Natasha discuss the results of the last completed dare over tea; meanwhile, Natasha reveals that she's gotten another Avengers' aid in helping her pull off a twisted lil prank of her own.

"Miss Romanoff, Mr. Barton is at the entrance of your suite's living quarters. Should I let him in?" JARVIS asked Natasha who was in the kitchen area minding the brewing tea kettle.

Natasha smiles a little as she makes her way to one of the cupboards, "Yes. Let him in and tell him I'm in here."

Shortly, Clint comes through the double doors with a book in his hand, "Hey Nat, you left your Russian novel in the Rec Room this afternoon."

"Thanks Clint, put it over there." She gestures to the table to her right before grabbing a lemon from the fridge.

"Hmm, something smells good. What are you making?"

"Black Caravan Tea."

"Heh, so Russian Teas and Russian novels."

"What can I say? I was feeling nostalgic. Want a cup?"

Clint was about to decline, because it was late and he was quite tired, but she already had the second mug out, and she was giving him such an inviting smile. Maybe a little tea would be good to help him relax.

* * *

It seemed like only a few minutes ago they both had been sitting on the bar stools sipping lemon laced tea together. Clint was animatedly describing Steve's appalled reaction to finding out Bruce had inspired Tony's itching powder scheme and Natasha was trying hard to refrain from choking with laughter on her last bit of tea. Then the next thing Clint remembers is that everything went dark. He came to on a couch with Natasha standing over him. The warmth and laughter she had displayed earlier that night had been replaced with a look that ran Clint's blood cold.

"Uhh Nat? What…what happened?"

She smiled in an almost cruel way and then replied. "Lemon wasn't the only thing I laced your tea with."

"You drugged me?" Clint bolts up from his reclining position only to be surprised by the extra weight around his neck. He ran his fingers across a circular object encased around his throat.

"What is this? Is this a collar?"

Natasha simply quirks one eyebrow up in response.

Clint's confused expression quickly transforms into a leer. He winks at her suggestively, "Well hey baby, if you wanted to play _that_ way, all you had to do was ask."

Natasha's hands go to something hanging from her neck and the next thing Clint knows, his body is receiving a jolt of the century.

"Ahhhh! What the hell was that? Is this a taser?" He asks breathlessly as the spasms finally subside.

"More or less. Stark designed it for me. And he designed this." Natasha's hands move from what she was clutching at her neck. She was wearing a necklace with a button shaped like…

"Is that a spider?" Clint asks.

"A black widow, to be precise."

"And why would Tony make you a torturing devise?"

"For the same reason I asked him to make it. For revenge."

"Revenge? What in the hell did I do?"

"Well you know what you did to Tony. He's still not quite over that stunt you and Steve pulled on his suits. He's satisfied he got Steve back but he was disappointed you had slipped from his prank's grasp. So when I told him what I wanted to do he volunteered to help me."

"Help you what exactly?"

Nat's voice turns sickly sweet as she says, "Well remember how you thought it was so cute to boss me around and show out in front of Thor like I was your little servant girl?"

Clint immediately recalls how much of an idiot he had been that day and face palms. Guess Natasha hadn't let it go after all.

"Oh crap."

"Yes, be worried Barton, cuz payback's a bitch. I figured I'd let you see what it's like being volunteered against your will as someone's errand boy. I left the book behind on purpose since I knew you'd be the one to offer to return it. I batted my lashes and got you to stay, then waited till you were out like a light. Now you're collared and at my mercy. So here's the rules: I tell you to do something and if you don't; I press the button. You talk back; I press the button. You're a bit slow satisfying my demands…"

"Oh let me guess, you press the button?" Clint remarks with a roll of his eyes.

Natasha answers by pressing said button sending another electric like current through Clint's body. As he recovers she adds, "If you crack a wise ass comment..."

"You press the button." Clint groans out between pants.

"Exactly. And you'll be in this condition until I tire of it. So you better be on your best behavior, Barton. You'll have a lot of things expected of you as of lately." She flashes him a wicked grin and Clint could only swallow nervously in reply.

* * *

Tony and Thor are at one of the dining hall tables eating breakfast when Natasha walks in. Clint is at her tail looking generally unhappy.

Tony spots them and immediately starts cracking up, "Looky here, the hawk's been tagged and captured I see. How's the device working, Tasha."

"Flawlessly." She smiles.

With mirth evident in his eyes, Thor stands and circles Clint, inspecting the black collar. "We have something likened to this on Asgard."

Smirking, Thor pauses before the archer, "It keeps our prisoners obedient."

Clint looks up at the god with a scowl. Unfazed, Thor playfully clasps Clint on the shoulder while laughing.

"I am NOT Nat's prisoner." Clint shrugs angrily out of Thor's grasp.

"Be good!" Nat warns him. "And make me a veggie omelet. I'm going on a run today and I need protein."

Clint appears immobilized and embarrassed after Tony points out, "You sure look like a prisoner to me, Hawkfeathers."

When he still doesn't move, Natasha's hand wavers over her Widow Necklace, "Barton!"

"I'm on it, I'm on it." Clint finally scrambled to the common kitchen area and starts on her breakfast.

"Oh, if I'm correct, we had an agreement. So can I borrow Clint this evening?" Tony asks Natasha.

"Yea sure." She shrugs.

"Over here, Feathers." Tony calls out. Clint puts down the whisk and begrudgingly stands before Tony. "So around 6 tonight you're gonna polish all of my Iron Man suits. And I mean all of them. Even the ones I rarely use that are mostly for display."

Clint stops juggling the egg in his palms. "WHAT? "

"And do a good job too. I'll have the polish sent to your floor… or hey what am I saying? I'll get you to get it yourself."

"Who do you think you are? You can't do this! And I am NOT gonna waste my night shining up your stupid suits, Stark!"

"May I?" Tony asks Natasha.

"Of course."

Tony walks up to Natasha , leans over, and presses the button on her necklace.

Clint startles and spasms, dropping the egg on the tile floor.

"When you're through, clean that up, would ya?" Tony grins.


	7. Assassin, Archer, and Errand Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Good luck, Barton. You're gonna need it after selling me out like that." The day Natasha had challenged Clint to prank Tony, these had been her parting words. If Clint had thought the assassin was going to let his mocking remarks go forgotten, he was in for a "shocking" surprise!

_~In the Rec room lounge~_

Natasha nudges Clint with her elbow. "Barton, I'm done with this page."

Steve and Thor glance up and start chuckling.

"Nat, I'm sure you can turn your own page." Clint grumbles, squirming when he hears Cap and Thor's obvious amusement.

Natasha puts down her Russian novel and sends a withering glare Clint's way.

"I'll be the judge of what I can or cannot do. Now I'll repeat it again, I'm done with this page, Barton."

Clint nervously eyes the necklace dangling between Natasha's bosom. Finally he obeys, sighing as he turns the page.

* * *

_~On the training room floor~_

"I thought you called me up here to spar, why are you taking out your guns?"

"Because I wanna practice my shots, and I want you to be the target."

Clint looks at Natasha in horror.

"You've got to be kidding me."

She only laughs, "How sadistic do you think I am? Don't answer that. Relax Barton, these are loaded with plastic pellets. I just want a live target for once, so you game?"

Though Clint didn't look so pale anymore, he still looked disgruntled. " No I am not game! Seriously, pellets? I don't care if isn't fatal. Those things hurt being shot under pressure and high speed, and especially at this range! I'm not gonna be your little guinea pig as you find a million places to shoot me at."

"Oh it won't be a million places. I'll mostly go for lethal shots like the heart and head… maybe the legs to slow the target."

Clint gives her an incredulous look, "While you're at it, why not just aim it up my as...aahhhhgh!"

Natasha had pressed her necklace, cutting off whatever retort Clint was about to complete. "How about you just man up and start running?" Natasha cocks the gun and aims it toward Clint.

* * *

_~On the Tower's roof near the landing pad~_

"Damn, I forgot. Barton, run back down to the Study floor and get me another Russian title in the library."

He just stares at her.

"For the flight…" She says, as if that explained it all.

Clint sighs. He'd been doing a lot of that lately. "Nat, we're waiting for the SHIELD jet. If I go now and it comes, I'll make us both late for debriefing."

Nat just shrugs. "That's why you better run."

Clint takes off in a sprint, mumbling under his breath. "I hope Stark fixed his screwy elevators."

* * *

_~In Clint's suit around 1 AM~_

Clint was conked out on his bed, resting from a long evening. He had been eager to get away from Natasha tonight. She had made him rearrange furniture up in her personal quarters, much to his disgust.

"Why can't you get Thor and Steve to help you do this?" He had asked.

"Because I don't want Thor or Steve, I want you." She had replied, fingers dancing over her Widow necklace.

And of course he had complied like a good little errand boy.

At least while sleeping peacefully, he probably thought he was safe from his assassin partner for now, but boy was he wrong.

He awoke with a jolt- a literal jolt - as the collar emitted its signature sharp current through his once sleeping frame.

"WHAT THE HELL!" He cried out into the dark.

JARVIS' voice called from the gloom. "Miss Romanoff asked me to tell you that her feet hurt from jogging this morning and she would like you to massage them for her."

Clint moans and runs his hands through his hair.

"She also said that if you are not in her suite in the next ten minutes, she'll keep pressing the button until she sees you or gets confirmation of your arrival."

Clint almost trips trying to get the covers from around himself, "Tell her to cease fire! I'm on my way."

"I just did, Mr. Barton."

"Good. And JARVIS?"

"Yes sir?"

"Tell her I'll never make an ass out of myself involving her as long as I live."

It almost sounded like JARVIS snickered before he answered, "She thought you might say that."


	8. Even Steven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoping for his help, Steve shares with Clint that he'd like to get Bruce back for giving Tony the itching powder idea. Clint, on the other hand, has learned his lesson about pranking his teammates and supplies his reasons for writing off such hijinks from now on.

Steve stepped onto the opening elevator only to come face to face with a beaming Clint.

Clint steps aside to give the Captain some room. "Hey Steve."

"Hi. Well, you certainly seem happy today. " Steve comments upon noticing Clint's apparent pleasant mood.

"No kidding. I just came from Nat's floor. She freed me from that damned collar. I was so thrilled I might have kissed her if I didn't think she'd strangle me for it."

Steve laughs, "Well glad she had a change of heart."

"'Change of heart?' Are you kidding me? Nat just got bored of watching me suffer. Speaking of suffering, how's your little itching problem doing?"

Steve makes a face at the thought of it and then grumbles something under his breath.

Clint smirks. "What was that, Cap?"

"I said better, and the redness is finally gone. " Steve repeats reluctantly.

"You gotta be relieved. Fury must have thought you had poison ivy or something by the way you looked last week." Clint cut his eyes at the Captain, hoping he hadn't seen him covering a cheeky grin.

"Yea, don't remind me," sighed Steve as the elevator door opened on the Rec Room floor.

Both men exit and make it to the lounge area. Clint goes toward one of the couches and Steve grabs his abandoned sketch pad off a nearby table before taking a seat.

"You know, I still can't believe Dr. Banner sat there trying to be all helpful towards me when he was the one who gave Tony the idea in the first place."

Clint reclines on the couch facing Steve. "I'm sure he didn't think Stark would've created some super strengthened itching formula to sic on ya."

"Yea I know, but still…. I wish I could get even."

"With Bruce? Boy have I created a monster introducing you to pranking. Have you lost your mind or do you just have a death wish?"

Steve looks up from his sketching. "I'm not planning on doing anything really mean-spirited or dangerous. Nothing to make him seriously angry anyway."

"Oh so you're 'planning' now. I thought you were just wishing."

"Okay maybe I'm past wishing and have moved on to scheming. Why, you think you might have some ideas on how…"

"Nope! Sorry Cap, but Bruce - for very obvious reasons - is on my newly formed list of people _not_ to prank."

"You have a list?"

"Yea, sure a mental one. Number one on that list is…."

"Banner?" Steve guesses.

"No, actually I was gonna say Nat."

"Natasha?"

"Yea, you saw how she responded after I teased her. She had me collared with that torture devise for a week. And I got off easy since we're already friends and partners. But you know that SHIELD agent, Dyson, the transfer from the DC sector? The one who thought he could get away directing snide remarks at 'Tasha just because he personally didn't think she was right for our team?"

"Yea, what about him?"

"Well, the last I heard the official story was he's on leave due to a broken arm."

"Yikes."

"Exactly. So from now on I'm not planning on doing anything that will cross her. I'm also steering clear from pissing off Thor. "

"Well, seems wise not to taunt a god who has access to spells and curses."

"I wasn't just talking about that little enchantment. Did you forget his reaction immediately after he found out _I_ was the one who had shaved his hair?"

Steve grimaces at the memory. "Oh… yea that wasn't pretty."

"You had to pull him off of me, which by the way didn't prevent him from ripping my favorite shirt when he had me by the collar. "

"Sorry about that. Strange… for someone who's generally a good-natured fella, he sure turned enraged pretty quickly."

"I've just never seen a guy so upset about his hair before." Clint shakes his head. "And it stormed so bad those next couple of days, I was afraid to leave the tower in fear of getting struck down by lighting."

"Probably what he was aiming for." Steve chuckles.

Clint rolls his eyes, "Not funny."

"Actually it kinda was." Steve says with a smile. "So is Stark on this hands-off list of yours as well?"

" Ha-ha no! I don't care what kind of evil genius his brain can probably cook up for revenge, he's just too much fun _not_ to mess with. I'm sure you don't regret helping me pull one on Tony either." Clint looks to Steve who's quietly snickering and shaking his head.

"That's what I thought. Anyways, most of those dares and pranks have led to nothing but trouble lately. So you can count me out of helping you get back at Bruce. "

Steve just shrugs, "Alright. I respect your decision. I'm sure I can think of an appropriate trick for Dr. Banner on my own."

* * *

"I think Captain Do-No-Wrong has gone to the dark side." Tony remarks to Bruce a few days after, while they played chess.

Bruce looks up from the board. "What makes you think that?"

"Well, yesterday I made a comment about our little unofficial Avenger's Prank War and how it looked like all the hijinks had finally died down."

"Hmm, an 'Avenger's Prank War.' I had no idea the madness of this past month had a name," interposed Bruce sarcastically.

"That's why it's unofficial. Anyways, he hinted that maybe the excitement hasn't ended after all. Also, said victim won't even see it coming, according to him." Tony gives Bruce a knowing look.

"Okay… so how does this mean he's going to the dark side?"

"Because he's freaking Captain America and he's transparent as a piece of Scotch tape. I know he wouldn't be eager to spread rumors about someone else's attempted prank, so it obviously means he's planning his own. He's too honest to be underhanded apparently since he went rattling off clues to me. Also, I am quite positive that he's planning on pranking you, my dear friend."

"Me!? You deduced all that?"

"Sure. There aren't many in the tower he has a bone to pick with. He's already partnered with Robin Hood to get at me and since he knows you assisted yours truly with the itching powder trick…"

"I suggested, not assisted."

"Same difference. And I'm sure Cap isn't seeing a whole lot of difference while he's coming up with a way to seek revenge on you."

Bruce scoffs, "That doesn't even sound like Steve."

"Believe what you want. But don't say I didn't warn you."


	9. Catching on To Cap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At first Bruce didn't believe it when Tony told him Steve had plans to prank him, but slowly yet surely he was beginning to get suspicious that the Good Ole Cap was up to something. He knows he's not just paranoid now, but he does wish he could get a clue about Steve's prank so at least it won't come as such a surprise. Can Steve get his prank together before the Doctor finds it out?

Natasha comes into the lab holding a medium sized gift wrapped in shiny sparkly paper with a huge crimson bow on top. "Dr. Banner, when I came in today this was in the downstairs lobby. It's addressed to you."

"Ooh lemme see!" Says Tony, already making grabby hands for the present.

Natasha snatches it from his grasp with a roll of her eyes, "Are you deaf? I said it has Dr. Banner's name on it."

Bruce removes his lab coat and glasses and makes his way toward Natasha. "Are you putting me on Tony? It's from you, isn't it?"

"Don't look at me. I'm just as curious as you are. Open it up!"

"Oh wait, it had a card." Natasha takes a tiny enveloped card from her pocket and hands it to Bruce.

"It's from Steve." Bruce says, clearly surprised after reading the note.

"What's it say?" Asks Tony.

> "Just a little something to thank you for your kindness. I don't know what I'd do if you hadn't helped ease the reaction to that horrible itching powder. Much appreciated, Steve."

"Hmm, funny how he so pointedly forgot to mention that you originally assisted me with that itching powder idea ."

"I suggested, not assisted."

"Whatever. So, are you gonna open it or what?"

"Well..."

Natasha's gaze darts between Tony and Bruce. "Wait a minute, is that why he's hesitating before opening a gift, from Steve of all people?"

"Yep. He thinks Cap's out to get him."

"No Tony, _you_ think he's out to get me."

"Well, prove me wrong and open the damn thing."

Bruce sighs before unwrapping the gift to reveal a box of chocolates.

Natasha leans over to peek inside and notes the brand name. "Mmm, those look good, and pretty high quality too. See guys, harmless gift."

"Yea they could be harmless," Tony agrees, "… or Cap could have put laxatives in them or something equally awful."

"Oh quit it, Stark. Bruce don't listen to him. You know Steve would never do something like that."

"Yea…right of course he wouldn't." Bruce says as he eyes the chocolates suspiciously.

* * *

  
"It's late, Dr. Banner. Didn't see you at dinner. Aren't you hungry?"

Bruce startles to find Steve standing in the lab's doorway. He glances at the clock. It was almost 11 and Tony had left already to drink some rounds with Clint. Bruce had been alone for some time now.

"You're almost as stealthy as Natasha, you know that? And yes, I should probably eat, but was working on something and you know how hard it is for me to step away when I'm on a roll."

" Ah yes. Well did you get my gift at least?"

"Oh yes the chocolates, thank you. You really didn't have to though. I did have a uh.. a few earlier." Bruce mumbles.

"Ah, you tried some. Well that's just splendid." A satisfied yet sly smile appears on Steve's face, so peculiar that Bruce was glad he only had two chocolates.

"Is that what brought you to the lab tonight?"

"No actually." Steve brings a large paper bag that Bruce had failed to notice from behind his back . "I made you a sandwich and brought a drink up since you missed dinner. Thought it would be a nice little snack break for you."

"Oh, thank you Steve. That's really kind of you." Bruce takes the bag and grins politely.

"No problem, Bruce. You eat up now. Good night." Steve nods before stepping out of the lab.

Bruce bids Steve a goodnight in return and waits until he's gone before peering inside the bag to inspect the sandwich and beverage.

"I'm not very hungry after all." Bruce says to himself, putting the bag and its untouched contents on a nearby desk.

Friendly gestures from Captain America had never looked so ominous.

* * *

  
It's another day, and Bruce was just getting into his book before getting interrupted by a certain someone.

"Hi Dr. Banner."

"Oh, hello there Steve."

"How are you?"

"Just fine thank you. Yourself?"

"Great."

Bruce smiles through the awkwardness, and after Steve starts quietly rummaging through a book stack , he decides to return to his own book.

"So Bruce, are you returning to the lab sometime today?"

Glancing up, Bruce notices Steve is now leaning on one of the book shelves. "Umm maybe so, later on. "

"You spend plenty of time doing research projects there and the like. Do you usually do a lot of a chemical mixing or are you mostly utilizing Tony's computer gadgets?"

Bruce closes his book to give Steve his full attention. "A bit of both I guess, it depends on what I'm doing."

"Oh good."

"Hmm?"

"I mean I suppose it's good you can go about your research with a bit of …variety. " Steve clarifies in an almost absentminded manner.

"Oh. Uh, Steve, might I ask why the sudden interest in science?"

"Nothing really. Just curious. Well, good luck with your project, Dr. Banner." Steve says, pushing off the shelf and making for the exit.

Once alone again in the library, Bruce starts to wonder if it's silly of him to be apprehensive about returning to the lab that evening. After all, Steve wouldn't have dared to tamper with any of his instruments and beakers, would he? Maybe he'd have JARVIS scan everything just to be on the safe side.

* * *

  
It's another day, and Bruce was just getting into his book before getting interrupted by a certain someone.

"Hi Dr. Banner."

"Oh, hello there Steve."

"How are you?"

"Just fine thank you. Yourself?"

"Great."

Bruce smiles through the awkwardness, and after Steve starts quietly rummaging through a book stack , he decides to return to his own book.

"So Bruce, are you returning to the lab sometime today?"

Glancing up, Bruce notices Steve is now leaning on one of the book shelves. "Umm maybe so, later on. "

"You spend plenty of time doing research projects there and the like. Do you usually do a lot of a chemical mixing or are you mostly utilizing Tony's computer gadgets?"

Bruce closes his book to give Steve his full attention. "A bit of both I guess, it depends on what I'm doing."

"Oh good."

"Hmm?"

"I mean I suppose it's good you can go about your research with a bit of …variety. " Steve clarifies in an almost absentminded manner.

"Oh. Uh, Steve, may I ask why the sudden interest in science?"

"Nothing really. Just curious. Well, good luck with your project, Dr. Banner." Steve says, pushing off the shelf and making for the exit.

Once alone again in the library, Bruce starts to wonder if it's silly of him to be apprehensive about returning to the lab that evening. After all, Steve wouldn't have dared to tamper with any of his instruments and beakers, would he? Maybe he'd have JARVIS scan everything just to be on the safe side.

* * *

Bruce walks into the conference room where all the other Avengers were talking animatedly amongst themselves.

"What's going on!? JARVIS said you wanted me and everyone else to meet in here?"

Tony's grin calms Bruce's nerves, "Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to give you your tickets to the charity function we're tending Friday night. We're all special guests you know." Tony looks proudly around the room after handing Bruce his ticket.

"Oh right, how could I have forgotten about that."

"Dr. Banner!" Bruce flinched in surprise at Steve's hand suddenly grabbing his shoulder.

"Mighty jumpy there, Bruce." Tony remarks.

Bruce scowls at Tony but turns around to face Steve with a smile.

"Sorry Bruce, did I scare ya?"

"No that's quite alright, Captain."

"This function certainly sounds like a big deal, doesn't it? I'm already excited, though it's been a while since I've really dressed up like that. "

"It does. I'm sure you'll look just fine though."

"What suit are you wearing again, Bruce?"

"Suit? Why the one Tony had fitted for me a few weeks ago."

"Oh, so the navy one paired with the deep purple tie?"

"Yes… that one. How come you're asking?"

"Uh, well like I said, it's been a while since I dressed up . I wanted to see what you were wearing. Gotta make sure Tony didn't pick me out something horribly outdated on purpose just so I'd look like a square. Yours sounds really spiffy though." Steve grins at him and Bruce smiles back uneasily.

When Thor sidetracks Steve by engaging him in conversation, Bruce quickly makes his way over to Tony again.

"Tony… Tony!" He whispered in his ear.

"Why are we whispering?" Tony asked in the same tone once his attention was captured.

"Just listen, do you think you can have my black suit altered in time for the benefit Friday?"

"Uhh sure I can. But why? Aren't you wearing the Navy Blue one?"

"I might… I'm not sure. I just want a backup suit. I think I've changed my mind about it, that's all."

What Bruce secretly was worrying about was the possibility of Steve attempting to do something to his suit. More itching powder perhaps? Or something worst? He couldn't be sure, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to have a second option, just in case. Of course on Friday he ended up wearing the freshly altered black suit.

* * *

  
Bruce was in his bed finishing up the end of his book and just about to off the light and turn in. As he was removing his glasses JARVIS spoke.

"Dr. Banner, sir, I thought it necessary to report that Captain Rogers is currently outside your suite's entry."

"He…he is? Is he knocking?"

"No sir, he has only congregated around the doorway and outer halls. Do you wish me to invite him inside.

"NO!" Bruce almost shouts. He mellows out his voice and tries again. "No JARVIS. Just alert me if he knocks or appears to want to…get in."

"As you wish, sir."

Even some time afterward when JARVIS had told him Steve had left, Bruce still didn't get very much sleep, for he was obsessing over what Steve had been doing outside his door.

* * *

 

"Damn Bruce, you look like crap." Tony says, handing him a cup of coffee the next morning.

"I barely got any sleep. Steve is really creeping me out lately."

"Capsicle? What he do? Forget to call all the women 'mam' at last week's function?"

"I'm serious, Stark. I think you were right. Every time I turn around the Captain is lurking around, asking odd questions, being extra friendly, and popping up suddenly freaking the hell out of me. I am almost certain he's up to something."

"Wow, that bad huh? Why are you losing sleep though?"

"Because last night JARVIS told me he was sneaking around my suite's entry. It was around midnight. Why would he be out there?"

"That is weird. Did he ring for you or anything?"

"No, that's just it. He hung around and then left. I think he was casing my floor for something. "

"Maybe you're right. He knows you'll be leaving the tower with me this evening. He might try to set up something then."

"Tony, let's change our plans." Bruce blurts out abruptly.

"What?"

"Invite Steve to an art exhibit or something tonight. Get him out of the building. The less time he's here is the less time I'm fretting about him tampering with my things."

"But…"

"Please Tony?"

"Okay, fine. I'll change plans and go somewhere with Steve tonight."

"Thank goodness." Bruce sighed in obvious relief.

"But know this, whatever he's got up his sleeve in inevitable. You're bound to see the effects of it someday soon."


	10. He Forgot To Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finally reveals his prank on Doctor Banner, leading to some unexpected results for all parties involved.

Bruce is in the elevator headed to the Rec Room. When the elevator stops to let Steve on, Bruce almost gets off right then.

"Dr. Banner, how are you?"

"Just fine, Steve. And you?"

"I'm swell. Guess I'll see you this evening along with everyone else at the restaurant?"

Bruce stops fidgeting with his glasses, "Actually I don't think I'll be joining everyone for dinner tonight. I'll just eat something here and catch up on … some things." Bruce goes quiet as the elevator opens and proceeds to walk toward the lounge where Tony and Thor are currently seated.

"Hey, well I'll keep you company. There's something I've been meaning to speak with you about anyway." Says Steve, falling into step behind Bruce.

Bruce suddenly emits a humorless laugh and turns to face him, "You don't give up, don't you, Captain?"

Hearing the strain in his tone, both Thor and Tony look over at them.

"Pardon?"

"Come on now. You've been circling me for a couple of days. I know you're planning to get back at me due to the whole itching powder fiasco so all I'm asking you is to go ahead and get on with it so I can get some peace of mind. You can do it right now if you like."

With Tony and Thor having stopped talking completely and Bruce staring back at Steve so seriously, it seemed out of place for Steve to burst out laughing into the uncomfortable silence.

"Gosh, you don't know how hard it's been for me, keeping a straight face for this long." Steve manages to say between laughter.

"Am I the only one who missed the punch line here?" Tony finally asks.

Bruce looks exasperated by now. "No, I missed it too. Steve what on earth is going on?"

"Relax Bruce, I've just been pulling your leg." Steve says, a bit breathless from laughing.

"When exactly?"

"This whole time I've been joshing you. I've been acting suspicious on purpose, making you think I'm gonna pull some big joke on you, but you see the joke is that I was never going to pull one."

Bruce frowns, "You mean you aren't going to prank me?"

"No, this was the prank, technically."

Tony and Thor start chuckling, mostly out of relief that the tension was over. Grinning, Tony stands up to pat Steve on the back, "Well I gotta give it to you, Cap, that was pretty damn clever of you. You really made him sweat it out. You even had me thinking you were up to something."

"That was no accident, Stark. I dropped those hints on purpose because I knew you were a blabber mouth who'd run and tell Bruce."

"Am not." Protests Tony.

"Yes you are, because it worked." Steve says, rolling his eyes, "Anyways this has been pretty funny, I must admit, though I hope I didn't cause too much trouble. But I do think this harmless gag makes us even now, Dr. Banner. No hard feelings?" Smiling, Steve starts to face Bruce, only to have him sharply turn his back on the group.

"Bruce? I said no hard feelings, right?" Steve tries again.

Though no one can see his front, it's obvious Bruce's chest is heaving. In a deep raspy voice he growls out, "So…funny…I forgot… to laugh…"

Before Bruce had the chance to sink to his knees and start groaning, Thor bolts upright from his seat, Tony takes a step back, and Steve's eyes go wide as his smile falters.

It only takes two seconds before he goes into full-on Captain America mode, "Tony, is one of your emergency suits still in the briefcase behind the bar over there?"

"Yes."

"Then equip it. Thor, you've got to hold him off until Tony can suit up and I proceed with an evac.. " Steve commands once Bruce rips his shirt and buttons go flying.

Thor nods and immediately summons nearby Mjǫlnir to his grasp while Steve makes for the exit, "JARVIS, alert the others that this is an emergency and that I'm telling them to leave the tower pronto! Also, get Director Fury on the line. Tell him we might have a possible Hulk situation - code red. Have him send back up in case things get ugly for unsuspecting civilians. I gotta make it down stairs in time to grab my shield!" Without another word, Steve ducks out the room.

Thor is in battle stance and Tony is halfway between bounding over the bar before he notices Bruce's shoulders shaking. "Wait a minute… something's weird. Bruce?"

Bruce stands up and turns around perfectly normal, no shade of green gracing his face. It becomes evident that he's trembling because he's biting back laughter.

Bruce holds his hands up to ward off a still tense looking Thor, "No no it's okay. I'm sorry guys. I was just… I was just trying to scare the wits out of Steve."

"Then it is only a jest?" Thor asks, sounding disappointed that he didn't have to fight after all.

"Yes, I'm okay. See? I got a little carried away and ripped my perfectly good shirt , but I'm fine."

Smiling again, Tony props himself up against the bar, "So you aren't about to tear Cap's innards out? You sneaky bastard, I didn't think you had it in you!"

" Of course not. He played his joke well, leaving me clueless till the end, and I have to admire his execution. The whole affair was quite funny, thinking on it now; but I just figured I'd get him back sooner rather than later.

"Well for that, you deserve a drink, buddy." Remarks Tony, clearly impressed.

"I shall tell our friends that all is well." Says Thor, about to leave after understanding the danger was over.

"Oh right, Hammer Time reminds me. Guess I can cancel Cap's message to JARVIS."

"Wait, don't. Both of you. Let it play out."

Thor turns back around, looking undoubtedly confused.

Tony stops halfway at pouring Bruce's drink, "Um okay, why might I ask?"

" Barton and Romanoff's annoyance aside, I'm assuming Fury won't be at all pleased with Steve once he finds out he made a request for SHIELD manpower over a false alarm." Points out Bruce.

"Man, is that the understatement of the year."

An impish glint comes into Bruce's eye as he concludes, "Either way, that in itself makes the paranoia I've experienced these last several days, all the worthwhile."


	11. Epilogue: The Director Strikes Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this epilogue concluding the series, word has gotten back to Director Fury about the Avengers' recent shenanigans. He doesn't appear at all amused with these events and decides to handle the situation in a way he deems appropriate-- starting with a stern reprimand.

The Avengers were all anxiously seated in the SHIELD conference room, each one wondering why Nick Fury had called for an impromptu meeting. Finally the door opened and Fury himself strides in looking as stern faced as ever. He walked to the head of the table, standing before it with hands clasped behind his back.

"I suppose you are all wondering why you're here." He began rather ominously.

Everyone looks at each other and nods in agreement.

"Then I'll cut to the chase. I am afraid it's been very obvious as of late that none of you are taking your jobs very seriously."

Captain Rogers looks surprised as he asks, "What exactly are you referring to, Sir?"

"I am referring to all of your latest hijinks. It appears that it is one ludicrous thing after another when it concerns the six of you. May I remind you all how much of a joke Performance Eval. turned into last month?" Fury asked, giving both Stark and Agent Barton accusing looks.

"And very recently I had organized and delivered a whole team for damage control outside of Stark Towers in preparation for a dire Hulk-induced emergency, only to be notified that the whole thing was a mix-up…. a confusion… a joke." Fury levels the Captain with a one-eyed glare of his own.

"Sir, I apologized again and again, but know I would have never alerted you to said emergency if Dr. Banner hadn't have lead me to believe he was losing control." Steve says with a sidelong glance at Banner.

Bruce huffs in obvious annoyance. "Well Captain, you certainly can't say you didn't deserve it after you lead me to believe for several days that you were going to direct some dreadful prank my way. I was practically a nervous wreck! "

"I only did that because you assisted Tony in contaminating my suit with itching powder." Steve argued.

"I suggested, not assisted." Bruce corrected for the umpteenth time.

"Gentlemen." Fury warns in a low voice.

"Don't pick on Bruce. He was only helping out a friend who had his suit bombarded with FAIRY DUST and PRINCESS JEWELS!" Tony interjected, oblivious to Fury's attempted interception.

Clint rolled his eyes, "I think your and Bruce's itching powder was a lot worse than me and Cap's suit bejeweling. And apparently 'assisting' a friend with a prank is only okay when it benefits you, Stark, but just not when _you're_ the target. You were all for it when you made Nat that damned collar for my neck. Or when you talked Thor into enchanting my bows!"

"Gentlemen!" Fury says louder, losing his patience as the minutes ticked by.

Tony scoffs at Clint, "I didn't _talk_ him into anything… it was a dare, which of course holds a lot more influence."

Thor crosses his arms and snidely adds, "Pardon me if I am wrong, but you were never once troubled with dares when you sheared my locks off during my slumber."

"Speaking of which, why are you so pissed at _me_ over the hair thing when it was _Nat_ who dared me to do it in the first place?!"

Natasha narrowed her eyes at Clint from across the table. "Don't you dare point fingers at me, Barton. No one forced you to do anything. Besides, what kind of dares did you expect after bringing a huge ass bottle of vodka to the game?"

Clint gasps. "So now you're blaming the alcohol!? Well aint that a load of sh…"

"ENOUGH!" Fury shouted, banging his fist on the table and causing everyone to jump.

"I don't give a damn about who started what prank because of whomever's dare. What I do care about is the reliability of this team. The world has to know that the Avengers will have their backs when trouble calls. How can anyone be assured of this when we can barely take you seriously- with all your fake emergencies, bedazzled costumes, enchanted arrows, and childish pranks?"

Steve swallows, already not liking the sound of what he was hearing. "What are you trying to say, sir?"

"I am saying that I think it's time for the Avengers to take a hiatus, to temporarily dismantle until you all can get your heads back in the game… like adults."

"Excuse me!?" Steve is the first to bolt out of his chair. "With all due respect, Sir, you just can't do that! Not after all the good we've done…all we've been through." Steve's words are quickly followed by a torrent of other complaints coming in a mile a minute.

"This does not seem at all logical or fair. You would punish jests between comrades by dissolving our team of warriors?" Thor questions, incredulously.

"I'm with the big guy. We were just playing some harmless friendly pranks on each other and just like that you are gonna put us on timeout. That isn't fair!" Tony agrees in his outrage.

Bruce looks plain disgusted when he adds, "It's ridiculous that's what it is!"

"Director Fury, you can't be serious?!" Exclaims Clint, wide eyed.

Natasha tries to reason with him. "We can be on our best behavior, Director Fury. There is no need for such drastic measures."

"Silence everyone! Not all at once." Fury scrubs his forehead to ward off an impending headache. "And I very well can do this, Captain. As for e  
veryone else's grievances, I am dead serious and I think it's fair enough when the safety and security of this world is involved. However, it will only be temporary, and if by my discretion it is decided that you are all once again fit to rejoin the Avengers Initiative, then it will be so. This discussion is hereby over. Come in Monday, 6 AM sharp for your final debriefing. " And with that said, Fury turns and exits the room without another glance at the irritated and perplexed super heroes behind him.

* * *

 

When Director Fury stepped in during the last bits of Monday's debriefing, he witnessed Agent Hill reporting to a glum looking group. "Agent Barton and Agent Romanoff, though you are no longer associated with the Avengers team, you are still of course employed under the SHIELD agency and will continue to take part on missions and collect intel as your usual status implies. "

Tony nudges Steve upon noticing Fury's entrance and the Captain instantly becomes alert.

"Director Fury, we've been waiting to talk to you!"

"I had business to sort out elsewhere." Is Fury's only explanation. "That will be all Agent Hill."

Maria nods at her boss and collects whatever folders she had and leaves.

"Something you had to say to me?" Fury addresses the team again.

Captain Rogers takes in the approving glances of his fellow Avengers before stepping forward.

"We do. You may dismantle us technically, take away our title, but know we are not going to stop fighting. We aren't going to stop protecting our world. No single order from you or anyone else and certainly no contract can make this team cease working together for a cause they believe in."

Fury looks around at the other five's determined stares. "And you all feel this way?"

"Yes sir, of course."

"Most definitely, sir."

"Damn right we do!"

"I did not vow to protect Midgard only to have one mortal tell me I cannot."

"I wholeheartedly agree."

"Very well. " Utters Fury, "I have no control over what you all do in your spare time. And I won't stop you. Just understand that none of you will have SHIELD resources at your aid anymore and no more security clearances."

Tony rolls his eyes, "We'll be fine I'm sure. What I wanna know is what you guys are gonna do when some new threat rises and you find out you actually do need us to save your asses?"

"Actually, there are other heroes with special abilities on SHIELDS' radar who I believe have the potential to create a more efficient team."

"Other heroes? What heroes?" Steve presses.

"The Fantastic Four and Spiderman, just to name a few."

Tony snorts, "A couple of mutant astronauts and that kid who takes out petty thieves with silly string? Seriously?"

"It's actually called webbing…" Clint begins.

"Like it matters!" Retorts Tony.

"Regardless…" Fury starts, talking over Stark, "…of what any of you believe, I feel this new team could work out to be more than adequate enough with a little more polishing. Now if you would all excuse me. Please take a seat. I'll be sending another agent in here shortly to wrap up any loose ends Agent Hill left."

"But…" Steve begins only to have the door shut in his face.

* * *

 

"So, you did it." Agent Hill remarks, leaning on Director Fury's desk.

He looks away from the video feed showing the conference room he had left only moments before, "Yes, I did."

Maria cracks a slight smile. "They are on the verge of a rebellion in there, Director."

"I can see that." Fury says, sounding amused for a change.

"Are you going to let them keep believing you're replacing them?"

"Perhaps…" Fury taps the screen to zoom in on Tony Stark's current petulant expression, "Perhaps I'll let them stew in this for a while."

She chuckles at that. "They aren't going to be thrilled to find out you played them."

"Relieved maybe, but of course thrilled, not so much." Fury agrees, with a twinkle in his eye.

"I can't believe you even took my dare for face value. I was only half kidding, Director."

"Yes, I know… but I figured since they like to play at absurd pranks amongst themselves, it wouldn't hurt for them to know their Director can as well, and he trumps all while he's at it."

"Well, they're going to have a long time to sweat this one out." Maria predicts with raised brows.

"What makes you say that, Agents Hill?"

She merely shrugs and answers, "Someone always suffers once you start referring to yourself in third person."

And Fury doesn't deny this one iota as he grins into the surveillance screen before him.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic had started as a Clintasha bonding one-shot when I had first posted it on FFNET months ago, but with the encouragement of several commenters, I was inspired to continue it into a fun 10 part series involving all the Avengers.


End file.
